being in Gulu rocked my world.
everything i knew about suffering and oppression went right out the window.
seeing the huts and experiencing that lifestyle brought me out of my comfort zone but feeling the suffering and oppression on a spiritual level hurt me. i was very thankful at the end of the Gulu trip to have experienced spiritual attacks in Afghanistan and even in the past two years of being back home. it reassured me that no i was not crazy and that i was not making up what i felt.
for two days, i experienced a level of spiritual oppression and attack that i have never before felt in my life. headaches, irritability, the feeling that i just wanted to punch the next person that touched me. this kind of emotion had not risen in me since last fall when i was experiencing dark attacks on me. it was extremely disorienting yet all too familiar of a feeling. i knew what was happening but i just didn’t care.
one of the first prayer walks we did in the village i was hit hard. i didn’t speak up about it while i was in the moment but i definitely remember acting different than normal. we stopped at one hut and as i walked up to it, it was if all of my sins were being replayed for me in my head at 1 million frames/second. over and over i was seeing everything i had done wrong in life, and still doing wrong for many of them, and i could feel my mind become flooded with temptations and things far from Christ.
i was not into prayer walking anymore and since i had my camera, i capitalized and walked away from the group to take pictures. it was amazing how therapeutic it was for me to get shots of the village and of the children in it. each time i put my eye behind the lens, i felt a release from the torment in my head. as i moved farther and farther away from the group, about 20 or 30 feet, all the noise and confusion in my head stopped.
silence. back to normal.
it was a strange feeling to say the least and even looking back on it, i’m amazed at how fast everything went quiet. but in hindsight, it is evident how powerful the spiritual warfare was in the village. huts, one by one, were being fought over between satan and God. clearly (he) was trying to claim the lives of the people there and in talking with people and hearing their stories, it was scary how convincing (he) was to these people.
“i cannot accept Christ as my Savior because my means for money is brewing alcohol. my children need to get an education and their father is dead so i must work this job to get them to school. if i accept Jesus, i must give up this profession or i will be considered unclean.”
how untrue!! but the culture and satan have created this illusion and it is keeping people from the love and grace of Jesus Christ. it was so sad to sit with someone who completely understood and wanted this relationship but would not commit any further than that based off these ridiculous claims.
and this is just a small glimpse of the spiritual battle. 20 years of war has left the people and their lives in shambles. no homes, no parents, no children – it is a miracle that there is anything left really. and then there are those left behind to live in this mess that have to deal with the after-effects of this war and (he) absolutely preys on those people, convincing them to live in fear and not follow Jesus.
and in three days, i had thoughts, emotions, visions enter my head that were placed there by (him), trying to convince me of that as well. i was oppressed, turned bitter and quiet, convinced that i did not like being in Gulu.
honestly? it wasn’t my favorite part of the trip. but i am convinced that as a Christian, this is where we are called to.
the darkest places of the world. out of our comfortable lives – living in 2000 sq. ft. houses, with 2 cars and water that runs hot for hours. we are called to lower ourselves to these people. to drop to a knee and simply shed tears with them, praying for them, loving them.
after 3 days, i woke up to one of the most beautiful sunrises i had ever seen and felt such a sense of God entering my being, freeing me from this temptation and evil, and showing me the meaning behind it.
“…lead me not into temptation but deliver us from evil…”
God allowed me to withstand just enough from (him), to get a taste of what these people eat everyday so that I would be 100% convinced of this calling. i am biblically mandated to go to the ends of the earth, bringing His love to whoever needs it. bringing His truth to cast away the lies and deception. bringing hope to those in desperate need of a Savior.
this oppression was not fun but it was a growing pain in the journey of a lifetime. i am grateful to be considered worthy to suffer like that for His name so that i may be strengthened by it, so that i may return ready for what God calls me to next.
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