Posts Tagged ‘transparency’

Long awaited post

Friday, October 31st, 2008

So I realized the other day just how long it had been since my last post. A lot has happened since then but since I am at military drill currently and working from my iTouch, I figure I’ll stick with a quick abridged version to catch you up on things.

Things at school have really picked up lately and the work has gotten more intense. Manageable but intense.

Work has been hectic. You can always tell when Christmas is in the air bcause starbucks none to receive christmas cups… And I had my first shift as a supervisor and it went really well. My coworkers really work well with me and vice versa. I’m excited about this opportunity.

I started going back to counseling as spiritual issues and post war issues have ben plaguing me as you had read in previous posts. The wpma. I have been seeing is aesome and I already feel comfortable with her, something that is very impotant. Not to mention she prays for me after each session whichs is really thrapeutic.

God has really been working with me and a friend, really working in us to hold each other accountable in our walk with Him and our daily struggles. It has been amazing to have a new friend to spend time in the scripture with, confess with, pray with – someone outside of my usual circle of friends. I’m excited to see how God uses us in our friendship.

IMAGINE Christmas is getting near and as the technical designer, I’m feeling the pressure of the deadlines that are in place. One being the first rehearsal, planned during my December drill time. Pray that god opens up hat weeknd so that I can be at the rehearsal and make up my time for the military later. Pray that my creativty explodes into his service. Pray that techs would b available to help this year. Right now there are only 3 of us and I need close to 6 or 7 to feel comfortable.

That’s my life so far in a nutshell. Oh! I made a promise to a friend to go a month without porn. Another friend challenged me to go 40 days. So far I’m at 10. Amen! Pray for that with me :-)

Until the next post in between chaos and busyness, keep me in your prayers. I have made some really big steps towards healing and of course things pile on during these times makig it very easy to be lax about maintaining my spiritual disciplines and focus on God.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

When We Give (him) Access

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

I awake early, feeling somewhat refreshed. Rolling over, tangled in my sheets, I notice the time was 6:42am. Awesome – more time to sleep. Daylight creeps into my room, erasing the shadows of nighttime from my walls. I fall back asleep.

9:56am… I overslept and won’t be getting to class on time or rather at all. Climbing out of bed and opening my door, I am suddenly aware of an eerily cold and quiet apartment. Something is not right. My stomach growls. Apparently, I’m hungry and that is what is wrong in my apartment.

The smell of cinnamin fills the room as cinnamin rolls finish cooking. The oven beeps, signalling that breakfast is ready. Sitting on my couch with a plate of cinnamin rolls, I debate whether or not T.V. or scripture is a better morning wake-up routine. Scripture wins.

Opening my bible, I find Proverbs 29. 

A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.

Whoa… its going to be one of those quiet times with slaps in the face from God. Excellent… (more…)

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Posted in brokenness, transparency, trust, unmasking | 6 Comments »

So Much At Stake

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

It has been a while since I’ve posted here.

Frankly, ideas have not come to me to post on. But after listening to Ben’s series on Surviving Parenting: 0-18, I am struck by how much more complicated life as a Christian will get if I take the plunge into parenting. Now saying it that way makes it sound like a chore but in reality it is such a great responsibility to possess that I can’t even fathom it.

So far, my Christian responsibilities have consisted of living a life in unison with Jesus’ and spreading the good news of the Gospel to those that do not know it. These two things alone create enough pleasure, pain, joy, heartbreak, and many more to last me a lifetime. Then I have to balance the life that society says is the “real life” to live for. (more…)

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Posted in discernment, faith, transparency, trust | 5 Comments »

Enough Already…

Friday, July 11th, 2008

Sitting here watching Will & Grace after a night of work, I started listing the things in my life that are causing me unnecessary stress and distracting me from what’s really important in life. Satan is using these things to distract me and naming them publicly I hope will at least lessen the load.

  • $3,162.00 tuition bill I cannot afford to pay.
  • Health Insurance – UConn offers it for $1,150.00 when I get it from Starbucks for just working 25 hours a week. Catch is that my bill is due August 1 yet I’m not eligible for Starbucks insurance until August 25…
  • Paycheck from old job is still missing and hasn’t been mailed to me yet… 6 weeks later…
  • $3,500 in credit card debt and a $9,400 car loan still to pay off…
  • Two weeks of annual training beginning THIS Saturday (two days away yes…) that I still have not been issued gear for… Does that mean I have to go?? And how much of this issue is the Army going to blame on me…
  • Apparently I am enrolled in a summer session class starting next week. $988 I am being charged for NOT enrolling in such class. Answer from lady on phone – “Sir, the computer says the class was signed up under your student number, so you must’ve signed up for it.” No %@$# sherlock…how would another student sign up for me!! But why would I do that??? And you are charging me a late fee for a class I never wanted to take too??? Thanks UConn…jerks…
  • Atmosphere ministry at St. Paul’s… So much clean up to do and planning for the fall when we launch 4 services. Building up leaders, fixing equipment, working alone as the other coordinator is away for all of August…
  • I’m still not enrolled for all the classes I want and because I was lazy, UConn geniously took away my enrollment appointment and all the classes are now full…
  • I still haven’t heard if I am accepted into the Fine Arts program… It’s probably a no since I haven’t heard anything… Awesome… One more year I’ll have to wait to get in…
  • The idea of dating has been a frequent conversation piece lately and is just pissing me off. I have no intention of dating mainly because I have no patience nor time nor energy to invest in another human being yet I am fixated on the idea.
  • Did I miss anything?? I should write a book…

Well listing this only frustrated me more and I have to get up in 6 hours to start running around doing errands before work all night before two weeks of training maybe begin depending on whether the Army actually does something for me…

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Posted in random, transparency, unmasking | 5 Comments »

Uncertain and Alone in a Dark Place

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The air conditioning just kicked in and the cool air is washing over me. The light over the dinner table is on yet no one sits at the table. Aside from the movie playing in front of me, there are no sounds, no roommates, no nothing.

I’m sitting here wondering what has become of the last few months of my life and nothing comes to mind. Aside from finishing a semester of college, starting at Starbucks, and falling farther and farther into a pattern of laziness and selfishness, nothing has happened. I’ve only stressed more about the future, worried more about present commitments and deadlines, and failed to develop stronger spiritual disciplines.

A strange feeling came over me tonight at church. (more…)

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Posted in patience, transparency, unmasking | 4 Comments »

Social Introvert??

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

I had an interesting conversation with my roommate last night after coming home from work. He sat on the couch chuckling at me as I fumbled around in the kitchen. I have been really out of it mentally and acting really weird. Work has been interesting, as stated here. Last night was a great example of me being out of it.

I came home hungry and went straight for the pasta and marinara. I started to boil the water and heat up the sauce. I opened the box of pasta, got it ready to pour into the pot, then for some reason (more…)

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Posted in random, transparency | 3 Comments »

Laying it All Out There

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

I’ve thought about this for a while now. Posting something of this caliber out in the open, laying it all out there, for everyone to see. Only until recently did I think it was a good idea and opt to move forward with it.

Be forewarned – this post is long so please take some time to read through it. It is still very real to me and very much a part of my life. I deal with temptation everyday that, up until a few weeks ago, I succumbed to. There may be at times language that is harsh but it serves it’s purpose. My only wish for you is that before, and after, you read this you simply say a prayer for me.

Ask for protection, encouragement, and most importantly that I continue to see God’s light and love for me and recognize Him as the one and only thing to live my life for. I’m hoping to shed God’s light upon a very dark area in my life and, without sending letters to everyone, this is the next best thing to accomplish this.

So now that that is out there…. (more…)

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Posted in brokenness, forgiveness, grace, hope, love, thankful, transparency, unmasking | 7 Comments »