Posts Tagged ‘unmasking’

Dusting off the old blog

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

Scraping off what appears to be weeks worth of dust on my blog, I am now realizing it’s been a month since I’ve posted. Who knows who still reads here that used to. Thought that I would at least throw out an update that deserves praise and rejoicing.

Today was DAY 95 of my fast and Friday will be DAY 100!!

I cannot believe it has been that long. I have only been physically tempted twice in that span of time, once 40 days in, the next after another 40 days. Hmm… interesting… We’ll see what day 120 brings haha.

I am so thrilled by this and plan on making 2009 my first porn and sex-addiction free year :) Can’t wait to see what God will bring from this!! (more…)

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Posted in brokenness, community, pornography, prayer, unmasking | 1 Comment »

When We Give (him) Access

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

I awake early, feeling somewhat refreshed. Rolling over, tangled in my sheets, I notice the time was 6:42am. Awesome – more time to sleep. Daylight creeps into my room, erasing the shadows of nighttime from my walls. I fall back asleep.

9:56am… I overslept and won’t be getting to class on time or rather at all. Climbing out of bed and opening my door, I am suddenly aware of an eerily cold and quiet apartment. Something is not right. My stomach growls. Apparently, I’m hungry and that is what is wrong in my apartment.

The smell of cinnamin fills the room as cinnamin rolls finish cooking. The oven beeps, signalling that breakfast is ready. Sitting on my couch with a plate of cinnamin rolls, I debate whether or not T.V. or scripture is a better morning wake-up routine. Scripture wins.

Opening my bible, I find Proverbs 29. 

A man who remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.

Whoa… its going to be one of those quiet times with slaps in the face from God. Excellent… (more…)

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Posted in brokenness, transparency, trust, unmasking | 6 Comments »

Enough Already…

Friday, July 11th, 2008

Sitting here watching Will & Grace after a night of work, I started listing the things in my life that are causing me unnecessary stress and distracting me from what’s really important in life. Satan is using these things to distract me and naming them publicly I hope will at least lessen the load.

  • $3,162.00 tuition bill I cannot afford to pay.
  • Health Insurance – UConn offers it for $1,150.00 when I get it from Starbucks for just working 25 hours a week. Catch is that my bill is due August 1 yet I’m not eligible for Starbucks insurance until August 25…
  • Paycheck from old job is still missing and hasn’t been mailed to me yet… 6 weeks later…
  • $3,500 in credit card debt and a $9,400 car loan still to pay off…
  • Two weeks of annual training beginning THIS Saturday (two days away yes…) that I still have not been issued gear for… Does that mean I have to go?? And how much of this issue is the Army going to blame on me…
  • Apparently I am enrolled in a summer session class starting next week. $988 I am being charged for NOT enrolling in such class. Answer from lady on phone – “Sir, the computer says the class was signed up under your student number, so you must’ve signed up for it.” No %@$# sherlock…how would another student sign up for me!! But why would I do that??? And you are charging me a late fee for a class I never wanted to take too??? Thanks UConn…jerks…
  • Atmosphere ministry at St. Paul’s… So much clean up to do and planning for the fall when we launch 4 services. Building up leaders, fixing equipment, working alone as the other coordinator is away for all of August…
  • I’m still not enrolled for all the classes I want and because I was lazy, UConn geniously took away my enrollment appointment and all the classes are now full…
  • I still haven’t heard if I am accepted into the Fine Arts program… It’s probably a no since I haven’t heard anything… Awesome… One more year I’ll have to wait to get in…
  • The idea of dating has been a frequent conversation piece lately and is just pissing me off. I have no intention of dating mainly because I have no patience nor time nor energy to invest in another human being yet I am fixated on the idea.
  • Did I miss anything?? I should write a book…

Well listing this only frustrated me more and I have to get up in 6 hours to start running around doing errands before work all night before two weeks of training maybe begin depending on whether the Army actually does something for me…

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Posted in random, transparency, unmasking | 5 Comments »

Uncertain and Alone in a Dark Place

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The air conditioning just kicked in and the cool air is washing over me. The light over the dinner table is on yet no one sits at the table. Aside from the movie playing in front of me, there are no sounds, no roommates, no nothing.

I’m sitting here wondering what has become of the last few months of my life and nothing comes to mind. Aside from finishing a semester of college, starting at Starbucks, and falling farther and farther into a pattern of laziness and selfishness, nothing has happened. I’ve only stressed more about the future, worried more about present commitments and deadlines, and failed to develop stronger spiritual disciplines.

A strange feeling came over me tonight at church. (more…)

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Posted in patience, transparency, unmasking | 4 Comments »

Laying it All Out There

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

I’ve thought about this for a while now. Posting something of this caliber out in the open, laying it all out there, for everyone to see. Only until recently did I think it was a good idea and opt to move forward with it.

Be forewarned – this post is long so please take some time to read through it. It is still very real to me and very much a part of my life. I deal with temptation everyday that, up until a few weeks ago, I succumbed to. There may be at times language that is harsh but it serves it’s purpose. My only wish for you is that before, and after, you read this you simply say a prayer for me.

Ask for protection, encouragement, and most importantly that I continue to see God’s light and love for me and recognize Him as the one and only thing to live my life for. I’m hoping to shed God’s light upon a very dark area in my life and, without sending letters to everyone, this is the next best thing to accomplish this.

So now that that is out there…. (more…)

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Posted in brokenness, forgiveness, grace, hope, love, thankful, transparency, unmasking | 7 Comments »